Deciding that you want to see a therapist can be difficult. Everyone has their own reasons that ultimately convince them that they need help, but whatever those reasons are, it’s not a decision that is typically made lightly. Once you make that decision, it would be ideal if there was an easy, streamlined way to find someone who can help you. Unfortunately, once you muster the courage to talk to someone, you may realize that finding someone to talk to might just be more overwhelming than what you want to talk to them about.
Going in you just wanted to find someone who “looked nice”, but Google searches only led you to a cascade of Psychology Today profiles and self-help articles that all just seem kind of the same. Why is this process so hard? How can you make sense of the information overload and find someone who can actually help you?
If this sounds familiar, you’re not alone. Fortunately, there are a few things that you can keep in mind that will hopefully make the process of identifying the right therapist for you a little bit easier.
know what you are looking for
When beginning the process of looking for a therapist, it can help to clarify for yourself what you are looking for. You might not know exactly, but any ways that you can narrow your search early on will be helpful to you. To start, you can think broadly about the types of conversations and issues that you are wanting to address, and try to imagine the type of person who you would be comfortable speaking to about these things. Are they male or female? Closer in age to you or farther? Is it important for you to find someone who specializes in a specific presenting concern, or are your needs more general? Are you willing to see someone via telehealth, or is it crucial for you to be able to see them in person? Answering these questions, as well as any others that you may think of, can be a helpful starting point in your search.
Ask around
Once you’ve got a sense in your mind of the type of therapist you’d like to see, consider reaching out to friends, family, or your primary care doctor for any recommendations. If you have a friend who saw a therapist — or has a friend who saw a therapist — that had a great experience, getting the name of that person can be a good place to start. If you don’t feel comfortable letting others know that you are looking for a therapist at this time, you can always feel free to skip this suggestion.
Speak to multiple therapists
When looking for a therapist, particularly if you haven’t been in therapy before, it’s really important to talk to multiple potential providers before selecting one. Most therapists offer a free phone consultation where you can have a chance to talk with them a little bit about what’s going on, and get a sense of how they typically approach their work with clients who have similar goals. I know that when looking for a therapist there can be a strong desire to just find someone as quickly as possible, but giving yourself a few options to choose from — rather than just going with whoever answers the phone when you happen to call — can give you a chance to step back and more objectively evaluate your options, boosting the odds that you’ll make the choice that’s right for you.
Lean on your support system
Talking to multiple therapists, especially when you are experiencing more acute symptoms of distress, can often feel like more than you can handle. In these cases, sometimes a relative or a close friend can step in and help. I’ve had a number of conversations with friends of prospective clients who wanted to learn more about my practice to relay the information to their friend who was struggling. I’ve left each of these conversations with a greater sense of confidence that, should they choose to engage in therapy, the individual looking for help stood a better chance of finding the right fit for them.
Select for authenticity
In research examining the factors that ultimately influence change in the therapeutic context, the therapeutic relationship was found to be responsible for 30% of change, second only to the characteristics of the client such as their personality (40%). That’s a big deal! It has actually been found that the specific therapeutic approach only accounts for 15% of change. While this is still significant, it really drives home the importance of being able to form a strong relationship with your therapist, one where you feel comfortable being open, honest, and vulnerable with them. Once you’ve talked to a couple of different therapists and clarified what you are looking for, you can then use that information, along with your own sense of comfort in those conversations, to help inform your choice.
Don't give up if it doesn't work out
Being willing to even see a therapist in the first place can often feel like a leap of faith. It takes courage, and because of that it can feel like there’s a lot riding on whether or not it will work. I strongly encourage anyone who has had a bad experience in therapy NOT to write off therapy altogether. Given the statistic above, finding someone who is the right fit for you has a big impact on the chances of your experience being positive.
Rather than writing off therapy completely, try to use the experience as a learning opportunity. When I meet with clients who have previously had negative experiences in therapy, it’s always really important to me to hear from them what it was that they didn’t like about the past experience. I have found that through these conversations early on, I find that both of us are in a better position to have a different, more constructive relationship.
Finding a therapist should be easier than it is, but I hope that these suggestions are helpful to you in your search. By being clear on what you’re looking for, asking friends and family for recommendations, leaning on your support system when needed, selecting for authenticity, and being willing to try again if it doesn’t work out, I hope you’ll find yourself in a much better position to find the therapist that’s right for you.
Looking for someone to talk to? We can help. Set up a free phone consultation today with one of our expert therapists