A short story:
Two monks are walking along a path as they approach the bank of a swiftly moving river. As they get closer, they see a woman on the riverbank who appears distressed. The woman explains that she is unable to cross the river on her own due to the strength of the current, and asks for their help. This appears to put the two monks in a difficult position as their monastic oath prohibits them from touching women, but without missing a beat the older monk scoops the woman up in his arms, carries her across the river, gently places her down on the other side, and continues down the path. The younger monk, trying his best to hide his shock, quickly scampers across the river and walks alongside the older monk in silence for several minutes before communicating his distress. “Why did you pick her up?” he asks, “You know it is against our beliefs to touch women!” The older monk looks at the younger monk and responds calmly, “I put her down on the other side of the river, why are you still carrying her?”
We are all the younger monk in this story, or at least we all have the potential to be him. I return to this story often because it so clearly illustrates the human tendency to hold on to something mentally and emotionally longer than we need to. It shines a spotlight on the truth that when we are caught in our minds in this way, we are holding the keys to our own unhappiness. It serves as a reminder that if we are able to let go of what is no longer useful, we can become happier and more free.
Sometimes when we are feeling stuck or unhappy, we can see that there is something that we are holding on to that is keeping us in that state. Maybe we are still upset, as the younger monk was, about something that happened in the past. Maybe we have very strong ideas about how something “should” be, or strong beliefs about how someone we care about should be acting. “What am I carrying that I should have (or could have) put down a long time ago?” is an invaluable question that we can ask ourselves. By asking this question, we are able to see our unnecessary baggage more clearly, and we have the opportunity to let go of whatever we are carrying, or at least to loosen our grip.